Anger - The Farcical Emotion

Funny how break ups in relationships/friendships/family ties are blamed on anger. Far too easily.

People respond to negativity in their lives with many feelings: anger, anxiety, outrage, self- doubt. They may be hostile-lashing out at those closest to them. Or, they may become moody and depressed. Their tension may show up as restlessness, loss of appetite, loss of interest in sex, insomnia, and feelings of apathy and exhaustion. While some of these symptoms may be unpleasant, they are normal, predictable reactions of people experiencing a loss or critical change in their lives. They choose to find flaws and point them out ever so readily.

Recognizing these strong feelings, understanding why they may be present, and dealing with them in positive ways is important. Refusing to accept your feelings can lead to physical and emotional problems.

The first step to accepting feelings is to sort out and identify your feelings. Some feelings--often those that are painful--may become so buried you may not even be aware they exist.

Anger Has Many Causes

One of the first feelings you will probably identify is anger. Anger is a powerful emotion that is often viewed negatively. Unchecked, it can escalate into a rage that may erupt in damaging emotional outbursts or be unleashed on family members.

Unchecked anger can be an emotional "time bomb" exploding when triggered by little things such as a glass of spilled milk or a spouse asking how the job hunt went today.

Looking beyond the anger, you may begin to uncover many other emotions hidden underneath. Anger may stem from feelings of failure, being unappreciated, exploited, manipulated, uncared for, or humiliated. It may be caused by feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, frustration, anxiety, guilt, fear, or resentment.

Once you begin to look at the variety of feelings behind the anger and to understand the hidden feelings, you can find ways to express your feelings positively.
Getting Rid of Your Anger


* Look behind your anger. Remember exactly where you were when you first felt it. Who was with you? How did you feel at the time?

* Ask yourself if your anger is reasonable. Are you expecting too much from yourself or someone else? Are you looking at your situation objectively?

* Look at your reaction to the anger. Was the behaviour justified? Did it increase your stress level or threaten your relationship with those around you? If so, look immediately for more appropriate ways to discharge your anger. Talk to others about your feelings, change what you can about your situation, view it more realistically, or use relaxation techniques to vent your stress. For details, see EC 1399, Living Better With Stress.

* Anger is often fueled by blame. Blaming yourself or others is a way of avoiding the real problem. The energy you spend blaming could be better spent on working to understand your feelings.

Anger is for the weak, the unenlightened, the poor, the needy. Acceptance gives strength. Strength for a better tomorrow.