Balasingham Ganeshamoorthy

20th May 2011 - The day I lost the man in my life I loved more than any other in this world. The day when I had to step up to become the man-of-the-house, when I really was not ready, and did not want to. The day I lost my mentor, my hero, my father. 2 months have passed, and yet, though on the outside I may seem fine, a multitude of waves of emotions crash within. Will I ever be the same? Will I look at life differently? Will I be able to take on the responsibilities? Only time will tell, because right NOW, I'm lost.

I can only offer to share the following - the eulogies my siblings and I penned, for this wonderful human being and brilliant father.

Vijay's Eulogy

Dear Appa,
One of the biggest things that sticks in my memory about you is your patience. I still remember the time you sat with me when I was struggling with one of my modules in university and you offered your unconditional help even though you told me you had no idea about the actual topic at hand. You gave me a smug look and said “We’ll figure it out together”. That’s one of your greatest strengths.
No matter how bleak a situation was, you would always have the same answer. Take it one step at a time and leave the rest to God. And that is exactly the same way you not only preached life, but lived it. You never said anything about knowing all the answers, and you were always fine with that. Because life for you was a journey as you always proclaimed and believed through every single moment that you existed in.
You played so many roles in so many people’s lives. But one of the most magical roles that you have and I know will continue to play is that of a husband. You knew my mother, your wife so well that while she was in a transitional stage of leaving one passion of teaching, you found her another. You knew her and her capabilities so intimately that you were able to find her something she actually would excel in, and continues to till this very day.
Even so, you were the fifth child of the family and that was always a gift for us because you were able to communicate with us at a level that was in sync, and so synonymous to what we would actually be willing to absorb, no matter how old we were. Your energy was so magnetic and infectious because of that spirit of the inner child that you never silenced.
But the most profound influence you have ever had over me is the love you have for my mother. And I know this: both of you are meant to travel through lifetimes together. And you will. And I just hope to be part of that journey again. Because I could not ask for a better father than you.
You were not only my father but my brother and my best friend. I know you will always be around with us, as you’ve always been.
Thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raatha's Eulogy

Dear Appa,
The perfect way to let you know what you mean to me is by letting you know that you are the first man that I ever fell in love with. You taught me the meaning of love, how to love and to believe in the only religion that truly exists: the religion of love. I am an incurable romantic because of you. I am an eternal optimist because of you. I am who I am because of you. And I will continue to be.
I am so happy that I managed to have that last trip when you came to Hong Kong to spend time with me. It was just another beautiful moment in a series of beautiful moments. And that is the epitome of every single minute I get to spend with you. Your quiet wisdom and confidence exuded so much inner strength that I could not help but be influenced by it. Everyone always says how much I look like you but what I really want them to say is how much I am like you. Because you, like my mother, never believed that physical beauty was as important as inner beauty. You always saw through people into their hearts and that’s how you touched every single person you came in contact with. I will carry that lesson throughout my life. The life that you gave me and I know will continue to look over. The same way you did when you saved me when I almost drowned at the age of 3.
I am going to miss those arms that picked me up when I was underwater and the hugs that they gave. I am going to miss the cute phrases that you coined for us like “princess and beauties”. You always made me feel like the most beautiful girl on earth. And I thank you for giving me the confidence to reach for my dreams. There was nothing off limits that you thought I could not do and I trust in your faith in me so much that I have and will continue to. You are never surprised when I tell you about a great achievement that I have done and somehow within me, I know you had a hand to play in it, as I know you will continue to do forever more.
But I will not be doing justice by just talking about you as my father because I always saw you as a husband to my mother and what a great husband you were and will always be in all of our hearts. I know that I will never meet a better man or a kinder soul that I will be proud to call my father. I am so thankful that you chose me as your daughter for the past almost 27 years. But most of all, I am incredibly grateful to have that opportunity to be your daughter which I know is only possible because of the woman you chose and fought for to become your wife, my mother. As gentle a soul you are, you never ceased to amaze me through the numerous amount of obstacles you worked through with always a smile in your heart. I know you will take care of your soulmate but being my father, you have left a large piece of yourself in all of us. And that will give us the strength to move on from here. As for your journey here on, I wish you eternal love and peace.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rathii's Eulogy

Dear Appa,
Remember those talks we used to have? The one where you listened so well to what exactly I was asking for and gave advice that was so well-crafted that it almost felt like you plucked it from a little book above. Well I now know that I will just have more time to talk to you where I can and whenever I want to and with you having complete and unrestricted access to that book. And that brings a smile to my soul because I can already feel you looking over me and reassuring me that you’re here as you always will be.
As Raatha so aptly put, you are the first man I fell in love with, that was you father – you are all about the love. No question in life was too difficult to answer because if in doubt, I knew to always turn to love. And this is how I am going to keep going on in this leg of the journey. We have a special relationship, one that I know I will never find in another person because you as a father gave fatherhood such a wonderfully magical quality that I am almost amazed and lucky to have been a part of that.
In my memories, you will always be the man who never faltered, you were so cognizant of everything that went on around you and yet so removed with such an ethereal calmness that I knew you were further and higher than this human realm. You were sent to us in such a magnificent form that you made me love you and cherish you and remember every single second we spent together. One of the things that I will remember you saying all the time is “It’s all in the mind”. And this is what has got me through so many things – the fact that it is only truly us that can decide how we decide to move forward in our lives. The notion that everything and anything can be survived, experienced and triumphed has made me want to be a better person not only for myself but for the world.
I can use words millions of times and still not capture the essence of why you are the greatest man I know and love. You are so dear to who I was before and have become, so near to who I long to and already exist as.
I cannot exist without reason and you are fortunately for me a large part of the why of the existence I have evolved into. You as the poignant soul within souls and a whole universe by yourself – you will never be someone I associate with sadness, pain or suffering. You as a father, husband, friend, son, brother, in-law and all of the roles that you so seamlessly showed your magnificence of being in, with an essence that one cannot explain but can only stand in wonder and smile. And that is exactly how I will remember you, and I know you will always be there standing in wonder over me and over us, with that smile. That smile full of peace, that emotion full of simple sentiments, and that soul full of unconditional love.
The way I see you loved my mother, your wife and how you lived this life up until to now I know none of this will go to waste. You were and are all about love and I know you will take care of all us from this point, stronger and calmer than I you have ever been. And that in itself is a feat beyond imagination. And so I will from this moment on, try to do my best to follow in your beautiful footsteps. I have only the utmost respect love, respect and unconditional lasting emotion for you that will never go away. Of that I am sure. As sure as I am that you are safe, happy and peaceful and handing us strength in the only way that you have been doing and will continue to do with a power and magnitude that only a man I call my
father can exude. I love you. As you have told me countless numbers of times, this is but the start of another journey, we all have a higher purpose and I know that now, you are just starting on yours. So take care father and I know that if I need you I will do what I always have done, I will ask. I look forward to our next talk.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Eulogy

Balasingham Ganeshamoorthy

Husband, Father, Brother, Uncle, Granduncle, Son, Friend, Soulmate. One man who touched many peoples’ lives whether he knew so or not. I’d definitely say the latter.

Let me talk about Ganesh- my mother’s husband first. Ganesh was what my Mum starting calling him, at least till I first started talking. Obviously I started calling him “Ganesh”. Husband and wife decided calling each other “Amma” and “Appa” was more suitable for the children. And it’s stuck ever since. “Appa” – was the husband to a woman who I’d really like to call my superwoman. Our superwoman. A superwoman, who drew, and as far as I will be concerned, will continue to draw her strength and power from her two main sources. God, and her Man. Her Rock. Her Pillar of Strength. Her fountain of youth. Her Romeo. Her Superman. The Superman who made the world think that he was only Clark Kent, and being smitten by a beautiful woman, falling head over heels in mad love, when they met. People failed to see who really did the charming, and who fell for the man faster than she actually thought she did. I never thought a man and woman could love each other so much even in the recent years. Sending little hearts emoticons, and ‘secret I love you’s, via SMS. Once both got their blackberries, they were constantly in touch. The man would tell her where he was, what he was doing, who he was meeting for lunch, what time he’d be home – not to mention the I love yous after that. Yes Amma, I read your SMSes and well, he showed me his. Their love for each other has been intense. It IS that intense. From where we are, it’s always going to be.

Ganesh – the father. Father to Vijay, Raatha, Rathii and I. A man who was the epitome of unconditional love, care and affection. A man who did not let his aggressive, Tamil movie villain looks, stop him for showering us with all the love he could from the day he lifted each of us up into this world, ever so proud to call each one of us his own. A father who was subtly and yet sometimes obviously overprotective. A father who took his time to know and bring up his children, all 4 of us, the way he wanted us to turn out. And he did all that by being a father who did his best to spare the rod when it came to disciplining us, because it hurt him more than it did us. As the four of us were reminiscing yesterday, we – actually THEY remembered, the times when my father chased me around the car, after I did something stupid that got me in trouble. Before we rebuilt this house, we had a larger porch, and for some reason I thought, running out of the house and around the car, back in, was going to get me out of whatever I had gotten myself into. My father, in his SARONG, mind you, would get up, fold his sarong to make into a ‘mini-skirty sarong’ and be in hot pursuit. My sisters, when they could, actually ALWAYS joined in, by running after us, block me from coming round the other side of the car. And all this time, my brother would either watch or be cheering them on. But when he caught me, we never could remember him raising a hand to slap, or hit, or shake me. A stern word, a death stare or at the most, denying me TV time. But it did the job. He always kept reminding us of his experience of love. What he had learnt from living and growing up with his mother’s sister, his aunt, and his six cousins, was that unconditional love and affection for the people closest to you, will always, always bear fruit no matter what. He brought that into his marriage with my mother, as her loving husband, and into our lives, as our wonderful father. For him, the love his aunt showed him, by letting him stay with her family and the light he shared by growing with her children, was more than enough for him to decide that that was the path he was going to take. And pure love, he was. My father was everything his aunt was always to him, and much, much more to us.
He didn’t just stop with family. He extended his love and kindness to his friends. Each and every one of his friendships was unique. He always, always put them before himself. He’s had some special relationships with people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing as well. And I’m sure all of them will be wishing him a pleasant journey onward.

We actually wanted to take this opportunity to thank a few specific people. But unfortunately or rather, fortunately for our family, there are far too many, and it would take us a lifetime or more to do so. So, for those of you who have seen us through this journey, both good and bad, who have put aside their own personal affairs and been here with the family, all of you who have been both physically and spiritually present, from the bottom of our hearts, we thank you wholeheartedly.
All of us can honestly say that this man lived a full life, living every single moment in its totality. He’s fulfilled his responsibilities in all the roles he played in this lifetime. He has taken nothing, rather, given us everything.

Finally…

Thank you Appa. Thank you for being our father. Thank you for being our calm, for being our strength, for being the rock for our rock, for keeping our peace, for showing us love, in every way you possibly could. Thank you for being my spiritual guide. You’ve always been my best friend, my rockstar, my Superhero. We will always love and remember you, forever. Now you’re truly one with your Guru!