Friday, July 26, 2013
The road less travelled
Monday, April 23, 2012
Packiaratnam Ayadurai - 30/1/1920 to 21/4/2012
The most wonderful grandmother I know, my loveable Ammamma, passed away on Saturday, at home, like she had wished for. Not in a hospital, not in an aged home, definitely not alone. A shining example in filial piety this, with her 4 children taking wonderful care of her, especially her eldest (my mother) and her youngest (my youngest aunt). Her passing rounded up a year of deaths in the family, hers bringing the most relief, since she was in some pain towards the end.
Below are the words that were penned for her eulogy, to send off another legendary person in my life who was instrumental in my upbringing.
"To those of you who don't know or recognize me, I'm the oldest grandchild of the fine lady you're all here to send on off. On behalf of my mother, uncle and both my aunts, and the rest our family, I would like to say a few words about my grandmother, Mrs Packiaratnam Ayadurai. This is the first woman that I knew who pretty much sparked off the fire of femininity that burns brightly in the rest of the females in my family. Ever since I grew to know and understand her as my grandmother, or as we affectionately address her as 'Ammamma', I've known her as someone to never be satisfied. From the way she tied her sarees and the immaculate bun she wore, it was apparent that she was in the constant pursuit of perfection.
Based on the stories her 4 children used to tell us, Ammamma was a very strict disciplinarian. She demanded only the best from them, and she was truly the matriarch of the family. Ammamma lost her mother at the tender age of six, and she's been on the path of working hard for everything she's achieved since. She got married at the age of 24, gave birth to 4 relatively well behaved kids but brought them up to be outstanding people. Even with four kids, she still had the desire to achieve, and achieve she did when she obtained her diploma in embroidery at the age of 35. Yes, she was a creative and talented woman, especially for someone born in the 1920s. My grandfather passed on when Ammamma was 48, leaving behind 4 kids for her to single-handedly care for, and she still worked tirelessly to make sure that they achieved and became everything they are today.
To be honest, as grandchildren, we never saw the strict disciplinarian in her. Instead we saw a woman filled with more love and care any grandchild could ask for. Growing up, our parents would leave us at her old place in Pasir Panjang for her to take care of us. And we've only had sweet memories since. Her cooking was excellent, her Deepavali sweetmeats were addictive, her agar agar in shapes of cute animals were second to none. All because of her 'not so secret' ingredient - unconditional love.
She spent her last ten years living with us at our place, and even when she was starting to get inundated with her various ailments, she still had a perpetual smile on her face, not to mention her sharp witty tongue. I still remember when I'd flunked my common test once, and she got wind of it, the first thing she said to me, as she chugged down her milo after dinner, was ' Anantham, (what she called me)so I heard you brought back 4 Friends?' I was lost. 'What, Ammamma?' I asked. 'Your report card, you brought it back with 4 Friends. Why?' And then I got it. 4 fails. 4 Fs. Hence 4 friends. This lady was already 80 plus, mind you, and she still was the sharpest tool in the shed.
Even when her ailments started getting the better of her towards her 90th birthday, she still fought on. This remarkable woman was a true fighter. A survivor. Right till her very last gasping breath, she fought like a true heavy weight champion, swinging all the way to the very end.
Dear Ammamma, you have been a shining light in our lives, every one of us, and even though you are not with us anymore physically, you've left us with an abundance of sweet memories to forever cherish. You can rest in peace, finally, with the full satisfaction of a job well done. We'll always, always love you."
Rest easy now, Ammamma. Keep on smiling.
Below are the words that were penned for her eulogy, to send off another legendary person in my life who was instrumental in my upbringing.
"To those of you who don't know or recognize me, I'm the oldest grandchild of the fine lady you're all here to send on off. On behalf of my mother, uncle and both my aunts, and the rest our family, I would like to say a few words about my grandmother, Mrs Packiaratnam Ayadurai. This is the first woman that I knew who pretty much sparked off the fire of femininity that burns brightly in the rest of the females in my family. Ever since I grew to know and understand her as my grandmother, or as we affectionately address her as 'Ammamma', I've known her as someone to never be satisfied. From the way she tied her sarees and the immaculate bun she wore, it was apparent that she was in the constant pursuit of perfection.
Based on the stories her 4 children used to tell us, Ammamma was a very strict disciplinarian. She demanded only the best from them, and she was truly the matriarch of the family. Ammamma lost her mother at the tender age of six, and she's been on the path of working hard for everything she's achieved since. She got married at the age of 24, gave birth to 4 relatively well behaved kids but brought them up to be outstanding people. Even with four kids, she still had the desire to achieve, and achieve she did when she obtained her diploma in embroidery at the age of 35. Yes, she was a creative and talented woman, especially for someone born in the 1920s. My grandfather passed on when Ammamma was 48, leaving behind 4 kids for her to single-handedly care for, and she still worked tirelessly to make sure that they achieved and became everything they are today.
To be honest, as grandchildren, we never saw the strict disciplinarian in her. Instead we saw a woman filled with more love and care any grandchild could ask for. Growing up, our parents would leave us at her old place in Pasir Panjang for her to take care of us. And we've only had sweet memories since. Her cooking was excellent, her Deepavali sweetmeats were addictive, her agar agar in shapes of cute animals were second to none. All because of her 'not so secret' ingredient - unconditional love.
She spent her last ten years living with us at our place, and even when she was starting to get inundated with her various ailments, she still had a perpetual smile on her face, not to mention her sharp witty tongue. I still remember when I'd flunked my common test once, and she got wind of it, the first thing she said to me, as she chugged down her milo after dinner, was ' Anantham, (what she called me)so I heard you brought back 4 Friends?' I was lost. 'What, Ammamma?' I asked. 'Your report card, you brought it back with 4 Friends. Why?' And then I got it. 4 fails. 4 Fs. Hence 4 friends. This lady was already 80 plus, mind you, and she still was the sharpest tool in the shed.
Even when her ailments started getting the better of her towards her 90th birthday, she still fought on. This remarkable woman was a true fighter. A survivor. Right till her very last gasping breath, she fought like a true heavy weight champion, swinging all the way to the very end.
Dear Ammamma, you have been a shining light in our lives, every one of us, and even though you are not with us anymore physically, you've left us with an abundance of sweet memories to forever cherish. You can rest in peace, finally, with the full satisfaction of a job well done. We'll always, always love you."
Rest easy now, Ammamma. Keep on smiling.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Time for change
Here I stand again. At the crossroads. between the road to my true self and the road to self destruction and complete chaos. How have I got here? Congratulations to me on accomplishing this all by myself. I can choose to point the finger to a number of events such as the death of my father, my surgeries, my unfortunate choices in life, my pathetic distractions, the so called 'friends' I used to have, the weather, the timing, bad luck - you get the picture. I did. I really did blame the lot. But today, I think it's quite clear, even though I knew it all along, yet refused to accept it, the problem lies with me. You come alone, you go alone. Never mind if in the process you lose the closest friends around you, never mind if you end up being a social outcast, never mind if you are later than the rest to achieve in life, never mind the pain and torture - at the end of it all, you know you have chosen wisely to develop yourself from within, than from withOUT. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way I have made the people around me feel. I started out with the best intentions, but I never stopped to believe that I was wrong in trying to achieve what I wanted to, using the methods I have used. Biting the bullet and accepting the truth is hard, no doubt. But a fresh perspective is always needed. It's necessary when you are but a fish in a bowl. When all else fails, I can only look to the source. So here I come. I hope you take me with open arms. I strongly believe change is here to stay.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
B.Ganesh's Memoriam in the Law Gazette
The Law Society of Singapore asked us to write about our father for their magazine in August 2011, to publish in October. They also invited us for their Dinner and Dance, where they presented a posthumous award for my Dad's contributions to the Legal community. The award and the article are below.
Monday, September 26, 2011
"I'm 76 and I'm Tired"
For those of you who enjoyed Bill Cosby for many years and may want to know why he is so tired!! Short and to the point!
(This should be required reading for every man, woman and child in the UK , United States of America, Canada, Australia and New Zealand etc.)
Bill Cosby: "I'm 76 and I'm Tired"
"I'm 76. Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some some serious health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly 40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.
I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.
I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honour"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.
I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand, UK, America and Canada, while no one from these countries are allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other Arab country to teach love and tolerance..
I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate.
I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?
I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.
I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.
I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and early 20's bedeck them selves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making themselves un-employable and claiming money from the Government.
Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 76.. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter and her children.
Thank God I'm on the way out and not on the way in!"
(This should be required reading for every man, woman and child in the UK , United States of America, Canada, Australia and New Zealand etc.)
Bill Cosby: "I'm 76 and I'm Tired"
"I'm 76. Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some some serious health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly 40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.
I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.
I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honour"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.
I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand, UK, America and Canada, while no one from these countries are allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other Arab country to teach love and tolerance..
I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate.
I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?
I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.
I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.
I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and early 20's bedeck them selves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making themselves un-employable and claiming money from the Government.
Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 76.. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter and her children.
Thank God I'm on the way out and not on the way in!"
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Just when we thought it was safe...
The noise has softened,
The holes are being sealed,
The pain is subsiding,
As the wounds start to heal,
As the sands of time,
Try to do their part,
Little do we know,
What's about to start,
The unmistakable silence,
The comforting warmth,
The misleading peace,
All, just the calm before the storm,
When it actually happens,
The moment it will strike,
Nothing will be told,
As we face the almighty fight,
Because warnings are never enough,
Preparation, will always fall short,
Because just when we thought it was safe,
Death has come again, to shake us to our very cores.
The holes are being sealed,
The pain is subsiding,
As the wounds start to heal,
As the sands of time,
Try to do their part,
Little do we know,
What's about to start,
The unmistakable silence,
The comforting warmth,
The misleading peace,
All, just the calm before the storm,
When it actually happens,
The moment it will strike,
Nothing will be told,
As we face the almighty fight,
Because warnings are never enough,
Preparation, will always fall short,
Because just when we thought it was safe,
Death has come again, to shake us to our very cores.
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Killing yourself to live...
SOTM
"Well people look and people stare
Well I don't think that I even care
You work your life away and what do they give?
You're only killing yourself to live
Killing yourself to live
Killing yourself to live
Just take a look around you what do you see
Pain, suffering, and misery
It's not the way that the world was meant
It's a pity you don't understand
Killing yourself to live
Killing yourself to live
I'm telling you
Believe in me
Nobody else will tell you
Open your eyes
And see the lies, oh yeah
You think I'm crazy and baby
I know that it's true
Before that you know it I think
That you'll go crazy too
I don't know if I'm up or down
Whether black is white or blue is brown
The colors of my life are all different somehow
Little boy blue's a big girl now
So you think it's me who's strange
But you've never had to make the change
Never give your trust away
You'll end up paying till your dying day
...So if you're living to die, you have no choice but die to live? Right? Anyone?
"Well people look and people stare
Well I don't think that I even care
You work your life away and what do they give?
You're only killing yourself to live
Killing yourself to live
Killing yourself to live
Just take a look around you what do you see
Pain, suffering, and misery
It's not the way that the world was meant
It's a pity you don't understand
Killing yourself to live
Killing yourself to live
I'm telling you
Believe in me
Nobody else will tell you
Open your eyes
And see the lies, oh yeah
You think I'm crazy and baby
I know that it's true
Before that you know it I think
That you'll go crazy too
I don't know if I'm up or down
Whether black is white or blue is brown
The colors of my life are all different somehow
Little boy blue's a big girl now
So you think it's me who's strange
But you've never had to make the change
Never give your trust away
You'll end up paying till your dying day
...So if you're living to die, you have no choice but die to live? Right? Anyone?
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